My cat gives me a boner
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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