Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
