she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
