Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
