wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
