I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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