I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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