I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
did i just pee glitter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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