We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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