I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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