so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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