i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
