they need to just BURY HIM!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
