At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
