So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
