sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
