this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You took a bar mat shot.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
