I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
