Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
