They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
