I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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