So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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