Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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