No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
