Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
