that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
