Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i will never coherently bang her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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