i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
