I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
