Non-Jews are for practice
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I see more hoeing in ur future
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