Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
