And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
