well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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