In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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