If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
