I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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