I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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