I didn't shave. On purpose
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
