The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
