If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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