I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
