i barfeds in our rink
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
