dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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