i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
