i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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