im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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