Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
