Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
