The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
