Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
