Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
