They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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