RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
