and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
