The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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