I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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